so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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