only if we run a train.
done.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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