So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
