She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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