Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They have beer where we have blood.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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