She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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