You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
