i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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