just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
