everyone is single if you try hard enough
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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