Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
