Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
