Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize