I will die if light touches me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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