i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
