I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
