hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
