So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
