I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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