if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Four minutes until I can fart!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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