You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
