Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
