Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
