Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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