I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I am naked and annoyed.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
