FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
