I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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