Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize