I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
