This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
