Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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