found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my shit smells like andre
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
