After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Never underestimate the power of titties
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
