Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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