Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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