so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
