I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
