and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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