I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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