need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
