What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
