That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
