she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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