jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Boobs speak an international language.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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