i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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