so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
