He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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