Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize