Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
