the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
