my sisters under your porch take her home
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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