I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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