My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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