also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
