my soul wont recognize me after tonight
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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