i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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