i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
