im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
