well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
