I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
