the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
