Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
