I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
