It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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