Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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