who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize