I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
