I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
