Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
