Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize