so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
