Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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