The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
