Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
