Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
