i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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