how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
